"The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth."
-Psalm 145:18
All my life I've been a fearful and anxious person. I believe it is because I have always had an overactive mind that goes straight to the worst case scenario, and than boom! Here comes the panic attack. This was almost the case a few weeks ago when I was driving home from somewhere. It was dark and raining, and those that know me, know I can't see driving at night time. I don't remember where I was coming from, that part is not as important, but I do remember the experience.
The sun had already set before I went to head home. I knew I should've left earlier but wherever I was, I was having a good time. So I decided what will a few more minutes do. I got the baby in the car, strapped her in and handed her, her juice cup. And off we went. The rain seemed like it just got worse and worse the more I drove. Trying to see in front of me on through all the rain was getting harder and harder. It seemed like the sun was disappearing with lightning speed and the darkness enveloped all around me. As I got on the highway, which was the quickest way home according to my GPS, the rain just started coming down harder. My heart started to race and these images started to overtake my mind of getting into a car accident and my child dying in the crash or being seriously hurt. The images wouldn't stop coming and panic set in. I tried to turn on the music to distract my mind but that didn't help, if anything it caused sensory overload and made me panic more. My tears started to roll down my face, they felt warm and thick. I felt like I was being tormented with these images that weren't real, but relentless. I didn't want anything to happen to my child, I would be devastated and the grief would be insurmountable.
As I am trying to push those thoughts out of my mind, it got even darker. Now I really couldn't see in front of me. I called my husband and let him know how bad it was and what situation we were in driving. He was worried and asked me to stay on the phone but something inside of me kept making me feel like I had to pray. So I told my husband
"I am going to pray so I have to let you go."
He agreed and hung up the phone. I felt so panicked a part of me almost felt stuck like I just couldn't even get the words out of my mouth to pray. Until I began to remember what I had learned in the Bible. Faith, God can move mountains, He hears our prayers, etc. So I began to pray.
"Father I am so scared right now, I know you tell me not to fear but I can't help it. I am afraid we are going to get into an accident and my baby is going to die, Oh Father please. please just stop the rain until we get home, please Father protect us."
The tears just poured heavily down my face as I prayed. I'd be lying if I said I whole-heartedly believed He would actually stopped the rain, but a small part of me did. A few minutes go by, the rain smashing up on my windshield, I notice the rain began to slow down. I thought maybe I just hit a clear spot, but no, the weather forecast said it was supposed to rain all day pretty much everywhere so that doesn't make sense. It seemed like the more I drove the less and less the rain was coming down, until it completely stopped. It took a few minutes for me to realize that, that was God answering my prayer! It didn't rain at all the rest of the way home, the roads were clear and I could see somewhat in front of me. I was able to relax and take a deep breath and regain my focus.
When I pulled into my parking spot and got out the car, I felt rain drops starting to come down again. When we got into the house I remember quietly sitting down on the couch just in total awe of what just happened. I was just in complete awe that God heard my prayer and came through that fast. It made me feel bad for my lack of faith, but I was so thankful! That experience affected me in a beautiful way, and it has also taught me something. God is good, and He is always listening, even in those scary moments that I am asking Him to stop the rain. I felt silly at first and that is why I didn't pray first, but afterwards I felt incredibly loved and safe. My human mind underestimated God's power, I turned to music and my husband for comfort and safety, all the while God was saying,
"Talk to me daughter, I am right here."
Writing those words I can't help but to tear up. Because so deep within my heart I know He meant what He said. He is always right here. One prayer away, always ready to listen. My dear sweet and loving Father in Heaven, oh how I thank you for never leaving me. Never abandoning me, or turning away from me. I thank you for stopping the rain and for allowing us to get home safely. It was truly a blessing and I thank you and I praise you from the bottom of my heart.
I shared this experience with you because I feel like a lot of us struggle with fear. It wraps it's hands around our throats and suffocates us until we can't breath, let alone gasp for air. Fear can become debilitating, trapping us into this grueling cycle of hyper-vigilance and panic until that is all we can think about. When fear starts to come upon us, it blinds us to the truth that is right there in front of us. God. Almighty God. The omnipotent, omnipresent, ever powerful God Almighty who can and will do what we believe is impossible. Fear blinds us of our hope, it steals our joy, and doesn't allow us to see our need to call upon God. We look to the world and to others in hopes that maybe, just maybe they can help us in some way, or maybe they can take the fear away. This is not saying God can't use others to reach us, no, I would never put God in a box like that. What I am saying is, is that instead of turning to the world and to others first, turn to God. Even if you feel like it's silly or inadequate, turn to God. He is always listening and always ready to help in our time of need. So when that time comes, and fear is making it's way through your mind, trying to take you captive. Remember to call upon God and ask Him to stop the rain.
Blessings,
-Chels
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