“Jesus wept.” - John 11:35
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had this weird relationship with my emotions. I didn’t really know if they were bad or good so a lot of the time I just held them in until I was alone and could release them. Emotions weren’t really a “thing” with my parents. I’m sure they had them, but maybe they hid them and dealt with them in silence as a way of protecting us, I don’t really know. Maybe that’s why I am the way that I am. Lately I’ve felt a lot of emotions on the inside of my heart. Sadness, grief, sorrow and anger. Their like weights weighing down my heart strings bringing my spirit down. Soul-crushing, mind altering weights. Every now and again I’ll get the chance to get some tears out, but most of the time I feel like I’m holding them in so tightly that I can feel the pressure inside my body. It’s like a balloon being pumped full of air that will eventually explode if there is no release. The more air that I let out, the more air seems to be pumped back in. It’s exhausting.
I’ve always considered myself to be a strong person. Through everything I’ve gone through, giving up was never an option. I kept pressing forward, getting back up and dusting the dirt off my knees. I don’t know why, I couldn’t begin to explain or even know where to start, but that’s been a consistent thing for me throughout my life. Strength. Maybe I believed that if I wasn’t strong, that meant I was weak, and I couldn’t be weak and survive at the same time. So my emotional wellness has never had the opportunity to mature. It hasn’t had the nurture it needed to grow. Now at 31 years old I struggle to release these emotions in the proper way, and I internalize almost everything.
As I was reading the Bible last night. I came across one of the shortest verses in the Bible. “Jesus wept.” - John 11:35 It’s the story of Lazarus. Lazarus was a good friend of Jesus who had passed away, his family was mourning his death and when Jesus arrived He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. As Jesus seen Lazarus family weeping and grieving, He was overwhelmed with such compassion for them, that Jesus wept also. He shared with them in their grief. He wasn’t afraid to express His emotions although others were around. Jesus, God of the universe wept. Not afraid to express His emotions what so ever. That is powerful! What it said to me was, that our emotions aren’t sinful. That expressing them isn’t bad or a sign of weakness either. Emotions are so much a part of our humanity. And if there is anyone in all creation that understands this, who experienced this first hand, it is Jesus. Jesus understands our grief, He understands our suffering and sadness and He feels that same compassion for us, as He did for Lazarus family. I believe in my heart that Jesus cries with us, mourns with us, grieves with us. It’s just who He is. Full of unfailing love, empathy and compassion. It made me realize that showing my emotions is okay, just as expressing them is also permissible. I do not have to hide to release them, I don’t have to internalize everything. I can bring them to Jesus. I can reach out to Him and to others for love, support and compassion. Emotions aren’t a bad thing, their needed. Their a part of being a human being.
Although I have many many more lessons to learn along the way, I am grateful that Jesus showed us Himself throughout His Word. I am grateful to know that I am not crying alone, or suffering alone and that I can go to Him with anything, even if it’s just tears, and receive one big hug! I may be sad now, but I will rejoice in the fact that I have a loving Father in Heaven that picks up every tear and heals all the wounds in my broken heart. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!”-Psalm 30:5
If your suffering through something, grieving or maybe just feel incredibly sad inside, that’s okay. Your emotions are real and they are a part of who you are as a human being. Expressing how you feel is not sinful, and holding it in and only holding you captive. Take it one step at a time, go to Jesus first and pour your heart out to Him. Allow Him to shower you with compassion and grace. Let Him wipe every tear that falls from your eyes, and comfort your broken heart. Rejoice in your suffering, praise God through your grief, and trust that He is working it all out for the good. God Bless you my brothers and sister in Christ Jesus. May this post bless you in some way.
Blessings, -Chelsey
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for today, thank you for this moment. Thank you for having compassion on our broken hearts and for comforting us through our times of need. Thank you for showing us in your Word how important it is to express our emotions to you and to others. Thank you for reminding us just how much you understand. Father today I want to lift every everyone who is suffering and ask that you bring comfort to their hearts. That you bless them with your unfailing love and healing. Father you are good and I believe that with all my heart. You love us with an indescribable love that endures for forever. Bless us with your presence today. We praise you Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
Comments