"Some people brought to him a paralyzed man on a mat. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, "Be encouraged, my child! Your sins are forgiven."
-Matthew 9:2
It’s been a few weeks since my last blog post. These last few weeks have been a roller coaster of a ride to say the least, but here I am. I got a call that my grandmother was being rushed to the hospital unconscious. I was worried but sure that she’d be okay. What transpired afterwards is something I wouldn’t of predicted. She was put in the ICU with liver failure and I needed to get back home to help my aunt. I visited with my grandmother quite a bit in the hospital but her future was unpredictable. I was very worried, sad, but hopeful too. I knew that God could heal her, and I knew that all it took was a mustard seed of faith. So I prayed. I reached out to friends and family and also asked them for prayer. A lot of people were praying for her and were hoping she’d walk out of there, but she didn’t. For two weeks I had this unrelenting hope inside of me that she was going to be okay. I was encouraging my family and reminding them of the healing Jesus did in the Bible. I did everything I could, but God had other plans. This loss is a tremendous one for me. My grandmother has always been my mother. Her and I have always been very close and spoke everyday. So watching her take her last breath was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My heart was completely crushed and I wept terribly. This grief is heavy, but I still trust God.
A few days before she passed, God had reminded me that sometimes He heals in Heaven instead of on earth. That He is more concerned about our spiritual health than He is our physical health. And I understood. Did I expect her to pass? No, I had hope up until her last breath that she would live. I prayed for a miracle and expected just that. What I’ve realized now though is, God did heal her. He healed her completely. My grandmother was a believer, she believed that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for her. She is now walking the streets of gold, completely and fully healed from the inside out. I am grateful for that, but I also feel deep sorrow. She has been a part of my life in every aspect of my life. She was truly my bestfriend and it feels weird without her. My grandmother carried many wounds from a life full of many hurts. She has been through many things, and her soul had been crushed for a long time.
I am not angry at God, I am thankful. As heartbroken as I am, I am thankful. Because He answered our prayers. But He answered them better than we expected. My grandmothers wounds are healed. Her spirit is whole. And I will see her again. She had always told me to never say goodbye, but to always say I’ll see you later because goodbye meant forever. So that is what I told her, I’ll see you later. Forgive me for not posting sooner and please forgive me for posting such a short post. I am still trying to process through this grief. Please pray for my family and I. And if you are experiencing grief, remember to allow yourself to feel. And also do not be discouraged if you feel your prayers for a miracle weren’t answered. Just maybe, God chose to heal them completely instead. I pray this is an encouragement for you. If you would like pray please contact me so I can pray for you as well.
Blessings,
-Chelsey
I love you